High Noon at the Ant Rodeo

For the last couple of weeks, we've been dealing with the weirdest situation: ants in our shower.

Ants. In the shower.

Now, it should go without saying but I'll say it anyway: we don't eat in the shower, so I have no idea what is attracting them. And it's clean. It gets thoroughly cleaned a couple of times a month, including this past Friday.

I had Orkin in over a week ago. I told him, "Ants in the shower, so that's weird," and he said, "Oh, they're just scouts. When they don't find any food they'll tell their friends." And then he sprayed down the bathrooms with whatever bug-bomb chemicals and left bug traps behind the toilets. He warned me that it might be worse for a couple of days because he was luring them out so that they would bring the poison back to their anthill.

Eight days later, it's worse than ever. I thought the idea of there being some kind of ant version of Yelp! (you know, where they tell each other that the food service in my shower is lousy) sounded fishy. The bug trap behind the toilet is doing diddly-squat because they're not coming from behind the toilet. I think they're coming from the poorly caulked faucet in the tub (this is a rental, or I'd caulk it myself), but I can't be sure.

Either way, I spend my whole shower with one eye open, washing ants off the walls and the shower curtain with hands-full of water, and then dancing around like a maniac so they don't wash between my toes. It's a freak show up in here.

So I know you can use talcum powder, coffee grounds, cinnamon, cornmeal and all sorts of random powdery things to repel ants naturally, but that's going to wash away in the shower.

Anyone know of anything else?


P.S. Strangely, no sign of ants or anything else in the family room, where the carpets are full of Cheerio and/or Goldfish dust. Shhh, don't tell the ants.

Must-Read Monday, Week of 28 April 2014

Throughout the course of the week, I'll curate a list of links for y'all to read (if you want! No pressure!), because I wander all over the internets and I may have found something you haven't seen.

Please, please share your must-reads in the comments!

• I thought this was interesting: dueling posts, hours apart, about the compatibility of the terms "pro-life" and "feminist." First came this one, "Christian women: feminism is not your friend," by Matt Walsh, which argues that "pro-life" and "feminist" are mutually exclusive; and then this one (not in reply to Walsh, just by coincidence), "Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About NWF," from New Wave Feminists, which purports to explain that one can be both. [For the record, I come down on Matt Walsh's side. I believe that feminism has outlived its very limited usefulness. We have the vote, the wage-gap is the stuff of myth, and mostly what feminism has wrought is abortion-on-demand at any gestational age and for any reason (including, perversely, sex-selection abortion, which almost exclusively targets baby girls).]

• And! Several days later, a response from the New Wave Feminists to Matt Walsh! [It's not going to convince him he's wrong, as it doesn't convince me. Walsh was not claiming that all is right in the world for women, but that the label "feminist" has been irrevocably poisoned.]

• A large group of gay-marriage advocates published an open letter, "Freedom to Marry, Freedom to Dissent: Why We Must Have Both," over at RealClearPolitics to call for civility in the debate. While I obviously dissent against gay marriage (fundamentally, it is at best as a contradiction in terms), I appreciate the intellectual honesty of the letter; its authors acknowledge that they cannot "wish away the objections of Christian, Jewish, and Muslim faith traditions, or browbeat them into submission," and further remind their more bloody-minded allies that if uniformity of thought could be imposed on a society, they would have gotten nowhere themselves.

• If the phrase, "Lord, please don't let me become a spiritual fruitchucker" doesn't motivate you to read this article on Catholic Answers, nothing will: Everyone's A Critic.

• What To Expect If Your Baby Has Down Syndrome: Annie of The House That Jade Built writes a beautiful ode to her Down syndrome daughter, Ollie, and her impact on her entire family. 

• Can irony actually cause a head to explode? This article on the Daily Caller, "Good grief: Now, it's pea personhood!" discusses the fact that Switzerland has laws pertaining to the "dignity" of plants. Nowhere does its author point out that Switzerland is the home of euthanasia tourism, but I think it's fair to say that we live in the world gone mad when it is legal to assist someone with their suicide, and illegal to "decapitate" a wildflower.

• Amy Otto writes in the Federalist: "How I Made My Peace With Princess Culture." She agrees with my assessment of Barbies (which boils down to: silly body, still just a doll) and argues that trying to shelter little girls from the Disney Princesses could conceivably result in more Lena Dunhams, the star of HBO's Girls, which is a truly insufferable mess and in which Dunham is unattractively naked. A lot.

Answer Me This, Week 3.

I'm laid up in bed today because I have the sore throat of all sore throats. Yesterday the doctor confirmed it was not strep (hallelujah!), but couldn't pinpoint a source and thus prescribed me nothing except "magic mouthwash" for the pain. It is decidedly unmagical. So even though I had heaps planned for today, it's all canceled because I can't even turn my head without stabbing pain, and my glands are now visibly swollen. I probably look a little Frankensteinish but I haven't been brave enough to face the mirror. 

Anywho, onward:

Kendra at Catholic All Year is hosting a weekly linkup. She provides the questions, you provide the answers, and then you link up with everyone back on her page. It's a great way to get to know a little about your fellow bloggy travelers, as well as a chance to consider some things about yourself that you hadn't before. Join us! 

Kendra's answers, next week's questions and the linkup can be found here.

1. Do you hate happy clappy church music?

That depends what you mean by "happy clappy." My church is musically very traditional, especially since the new translation of the Mass was implemented, and I do prefer it. There is very little of what our (Anglican) back-up organist calls "Jesus lounge music." I do like the occasional 70s throwback hymn; a couple of weeks ago I sang "On Eagle's Wings" at the request of a big donor to our new organ and the congregation always sings along better.  

What I truly can't stand is Life Teen Masses with drum kits being slammed on and some teenager who thinks this is her American Idol audition. I find it to be extraordinarily distracting.

2. What is your priority: eating or sleeping?

I had to think about that harder than you'd think. And then I realized: just last week, swamped with Easter prep, I went to sing the Easter Vigil Mass without having eaten dinner. When I got home over three hours later, I was starving, but I was also exhausted. I went to sleep without eating and would do it again. So that answers that: sleeping.

3. What type of milk do you drink in your house?

We buy organic whole milk in bulk at Costco (by "in bulk," I mean that they sell it in a box of three half gallons; it's really not that bulky). The toddler drinks it whole, obviously, and I have since found that switching from 2%, our previous go-to milk, I almost never have any lactose-intolerance issues. Because it's milk sugar my body doesn't like, not milk fat (which, duh, someone who took as much science as I did should have recognized that -ose means "sugar"). 

Plus studies seem to indicate that people who drink their milk whole weigh less (although that has not come to fruition in my case; it's possible I'm doing everything else in the world wrong). Which, again, makes sense to me; dairies add more sugar to lower-fat milks to compensate for the delicious fat being taken away, and our bodies deal better with fat than sugar.

4. What is a book that changed your perspective on something?

Bonhoeffer: Pastor, Martyr, Prophet, Spy by Eric Metaxas. It's the true-life story of a German pastor who led a resistance effort against the Third Reich. SUCH a good read. 

[That link above is an Amazon Affiliate link; I'm not sure if it works but if you use that link to buy the book they'll supposedly send approximately $0.02 my way.]

5. Who is your favorite saint?

I have always been partial to St. Brigid. 

Since my parents named every one of their other six children after at least one saint, but opted to name me Colleen Erin after precisely zero saints (I mean, of course there are probably Colleens and Erins in heaven, so there are Sts. Colleen and Erin, but there are none canonized by the Church, is what I mean here), I didn't have a patron saint until I was confirmed. My confirmation saint is St. Bernadette Soubirous, but there's just something about a beautiful girl who begged God to take away her beauty so that she could marry Jesus that has always resonated with me. Of course, my own sister Bridget is a beautician, so that's just funny.

Oh, and apropos of my rip-roarin' sore throat, please play on my behalf for some intercession from St. Blaise. He's been ignoring my pleas but maybe if y'all send up a clamor he'll be just annoyed enough to put in a good word.

6. Introvert or extrovert?

I guess I'm closer on the spectrum to extroverted but I'm not truly an extrovert. I'm opinionated and can be loud and I'm usually pretty funny, and I make friends fairly easily, but I'm not good at approaching people. At. All. That is probably why I tend to make (sometimes snarky) comments under my breath and hope someone laughs. Because if you laugh at my jokes, you're in. 

So I make friends easily if someone decides to speak to me first. This is also true on the internet -- I might be a bit of a lurker. Please introduce yourself in the comments any time, because I really would love to know you!

UPDATED TO ADD: I just took an online test and it tells me I'm ESFJ, with strong E and J and slight S and F. 

My inaugural 7 Quick Takes!

My first 7 Quick Takes, hosted by the v. inspirational Jennifer at Conversion Diary. Find Jennifer's Quick Takes and the linkup here.


(1) I must have been psychic this week -- or had a tap on the shoulder from my guardian angel -- because I dressed my daughter for daycare in jeans and her St. Patrick's Day tee shirt even though it's mid-to-late April. And THANK HEAVENS because not only did I drop off chocolate cupcakes for snack (made by my delightful sister-in-law at Frosting, a Cupcakery; if you live aaaanywhere near Washington D.C. you should skip the overhyped Georgetown Cupcakes and stop by there), but they also had raspberries for lunch. Stains ahoy, and I don't have to care because it's a $5 Old Navy St. Paddy's Day tee shirt! Nonetheless I was a little dismayed to find a smashed raspberry inside her shirt.


(2) Does anyone else have to say, "Hey! Stop chewing on the furniture!" to their kid upwards of fifty times a day? Check it: we bought this piece of furniture shortly after we moved in here last June. So it is nine or ten months old.

See those scratches? Yeah, those are teeth marks. My little beaver baby stands in front this piece of furniture, and because she's been teething for seriously like a year straight without pause, she gnaws on it. Then she wanders up to me with brown stain-and-shellac bits all in and around her mouth.

This is why we can't have nice things.


(3) Spring has FINALLY sprung here in Northern Virginia. I'm sinus-ally miserable (post-nasal drip, whyyyyyyyy) but I can honestly promise you that I have never been so happy to see leaves budding. I'm usually a "Oh hey spring is fully here?" sort of non-noticer.


(4) My mailman knocked on the door the other day because my mail was overflowing the box. He gave me the stack and said, "Oh, I thought you must have been out of town, there was so much mail in there."

It was two days' worth. TWO.

So I flipped through the stack and only just controlled my impulse to run after him, because the reason there was so much mail in two days is because I had gotten two Pottery Barn catalogs, two Pottery Barn Kids catalogs, and two West Elm catalogs. I'm not sure if it's the mailman's fault for delivering multiples, but it's definitely the fault of Pottery Barn, Pottery Barn Kids, and West Elm for sending me multiple copies of their catalogs, sometimes two or three times a month. How does that even happen? Can't they ask their computer to weed out repeated addresses? And it's not like I buy from these catalogs, so this is just a colossal waste of resources.


(5) This was my morning to sleep in. My husband works from home on Fridays, so he gets the baby up, dressed, fed and takes her to daycare. This morning he had an appointment to have his car serviced, so he was on a deadline but he still remembered to give Keira her eyedrops (pinkeye is long gone but I'm still droppin'!), bring milk to daycare for her, feed her AND bring her some string cheese, and then stop off to get me a bagel before switching cars and heading off to his appointment.


(6) Have you ever had a brutal headache, gotten yourself out a pair of Tylenol tabs, put them on your desk while you did one quick thing, and then two hours later wondered why your headache was still plaguing you? And then discovered the two Tylenol tabs still sitting on your desk, NOT bringing you sweet, sweet relief?

Yeah. I did that yesterday.


(7) This weather: ❤️❤️❤️



(I don't know why the video is a guy spinning a sign. But this is my JAM on sunny spring days after the longest. winter. ever.)

Parenting. It is HARD.

Daddy's back from his trip and just in time, because Schmear* was sent home early from daycare yesterday with a fever, and state law says she can't go back until she's without a fever for an unmedicated 24 hours.

Since Daddy worked extra hours while traveling, and due to some ridiculousness with government contracting, he was going to be home today anyway. He had grand plans of doing some organizing in our garage, which is exclusively for storage, but instead he's on toddler duty because Mama gots work.

So Daddy and Schmearington (yeah... I'm a nicknamer) went for a nice walk and when they came back she came to my office to say hi to me and smacked me in the face. And then the poop hit the paddles: it took an hour and a half for her to say she was sorry. For an hour and a half, she was in time out in her crib, with either Mommy or Daddy stopping in at five to ten minute intervals to ask if she was ready to say she was sorry. She kept saying, "Ohhhhtay," but she would not say the actual word "Sowwy," so there she stayed. For an hour and a half.

About twenty minutes in, I started to regret choosing this hill to die on. But if I had let her out without her having apologized, she would never apologize again. She's so smart and stubborn. She tries to buy her way out of trouble with kisses and caresses on my face, because she just chokes on that word: sorry.

And now I need a nap. We won that battle but it felt like the whole war. But I know there will be another battle tomorrow or the next day!

How do you other mommies handle discipline? We are time-out-ers, primarily, because even though I occasionally resort to a smack on the buns, I just can't see the logic of trying to teach her not to hit by hitting her back. But it's not working; the only place in our tiny apartment to put her in time out is her crib, because everything else is either escapable or full of fun things to play with. But she likes her crib, and the whole "one minute of timeout for every year of their age" thing is laughable with a kid this stubborn. A minute and a half isn't even enough time for her to be even mildly annoyed by her incarceration. An hour and a half sounds abusive, but we went in frequently and talked with her.

I just don't know what else to do!


* Lest you think this is my cutesy way of nicknaming my child to avoid using her real name on the Internet, I'll point out that a) I have already used her name, it's Keira; and b) this is a genuine nickname that everyone on our side of the family calls her on the regular (except maybe my mom).

I'm never going to be the Cool Mom.

This commercial.

It made me a little mad. The moms are sitting on the bus trading "you know how I know you're not a Cool Mom?" barbs, and the kicker is:

"You don't let your 12 year old watch PG-13 movies!"

Oh, who can argue with that? That's practically child abuse!

This commercial basically seems to me to encapsulate what's wrong with modern parenting. Why are you concerned about being "cool"? You should be concerned about raising productive members of society, and that is never accomplished by ever-younger viewing of inappropriate subject matter.

Oh, and also, just because you can see the "juice" through a clear panel at the bottom of a Capri Sun does not mean that you can tell whether there's anything artificial inside. Just sayin'.